22 Mar

I Blame the Paint Fumes

what dogs think

Because it’s Friday, I thought it would be a fine time to engage in a bit of Blog Debauchery.

A while back I stumbled upon a fab post by Ms. Jordan that had me rolling! She pointed me towards her inspiration and that’s when my virtual love affair with a younger teacher began. {This was also when I realized there are a heck of a lot more folks blogging than just those painting trash.} Yippee!

what dogs think

Now, when I’m in the middle of a project I find my mind wandering. Wanna know what it says?

Things I think while painting:

…why do people love that chippy look?
…making something new look old is like wearing a mock turtleneck. Who pretends to wear a turtleneck??
…does anyone else use a bread pan and toothpicks as paint tools?
…I wonder if my old boss changed his email password.
…is that dog hair? Damn dog hair!
…one coat my ass.
…my arms are gonna look great this summer.
…can the neighbors see me? *shuts the blinds*

Things I think while driving:

…damn this song was my jam!
…wow. I used to like shitty music.
…how come all these ’90s songs are about sex?
…crap, can I turn left on a green light?
…I should leave tweezers in the car.
…how does he know I’m not an off duty cop?
…will that {discarded piece of furniture} fit in the back?
…did I just flip off my Pastor?

Things I think while praying:

…is it ok to call you “dude”?
…I think I just cursed…I’m already forgiven for that right? I mean, you already knew it was going to happen.
…I am so hungry. Did I eat breakfast?
…I hope I turned my ringer off.

Things I think while writing a blog post:

…are my friends even reading this stuff?
…why don’t people comment on posts?
…I’m kinda glad some of my friends don’t comment.
…this shit better go viral. It’s not even on Pinterest yet. I checked.
…Google is a snotty bitch.
…why can’t I remember all those awesome ideas I had in bed last night!?

Things I think while reading blogs:

…what does her husband do for a living?
…wait, that’s the after shot??
…maybe I should get a passport.
…someone knows their way around Photoshop.
…I bet there’s all sorts of shit on the table behind her.
…I’d totally be friends with her in real life.
…bloggers really like their dogs.

Things I think while on social media:

…someone paid her to say that.
…you realize everyone can see that you liked that soft porn photo right?
…if my kid did that I’d beat his ass.
…skipping right over that desperate cry for attention.
…my dog is way cuter than yours.
…ugh, if you don’t want pics shared why are you on FB?
…does that app really tell him I stalked his page?
…oh that gives me a great idea for a SomeeCard.

And when it comes to making all major life decisions these days I think:

Is it worth putting a bra on for?

Thank goodness I’m not a cartoon. That thought bubble could cause some trouble.

18 thoughts on “I Blame the Paint Fumes

  1. Love this! I wish I could come up with something wittier than that but I'm still half brain-dead from winter. I have thought often though of just using my twitter account as a nonstop random thoughts outlet. Where, even if just for one day, I post every single thought that comes into my head. The only thing holding me back is my son follows me and I think he would only have to get two other family members signatures to commit me. Can't chance that.

  2. Oh Dee, this could be dangerous. Suffice to say that I'm always being interviewed about my solutions for World Peace, the State of the Union, Pearls of Parenting Wisdom, and why am I so Fabulous. I'm great in an interview.

    • Well, I've already secured my Top Secret Security Clearance so I doubt anything I think/say at this point in my life will do any substantial harm to anything but someone's fragile ego – so I'm good. Remind me to interview you sometime so you can tell me how fabulous you are!

  3. I LOVE your sense of humor! So many other home decor bloggers take themselves so seriously that I wonder if the paint fumes haven't affected them already. I get so excited when you post new stuff so keep it coming – please!

    • Ha Molly! I used to think that my painting contractors were odd ducks and blamed it on the paint fumes. Glad you like my brand of crazy. I wish I was focused enough to bring it to you on a less random schedule. 🙂

    • I could think of worse people to be so I'll take it. Ok, ok, I'll put the passport on the To Do List but I must want you – I can barely stomach people in THIS country…

    • Ash – If my grandma were alive she'd chastise me for using such girly language knowing she taught me better. She was one sassy woman with a sailor's tongue! I like to think that skipped a generation & I really do tame it down for the online audience.

  4. Watching my dogs lay in the sun, i thought to myself "no one will see me, I'm going to lay on the floor, in the sun rays" I Miss Summer 🙁

    • I'd lay on the floor but then I'd see all the dog hair I'm too lazy to sweep up. Instead I let the pups lay in bed with me. Win. Win. And summer is an elusive bitch.

  5. When I'm driving, and I hear my favorite songs, I turn them up as loud as I can, then I turn them down because I don't want everyone to know they are being played on the 'oldies' station. True.

    • HA! I remember when we had to record songs off the radio & I would be so pissed that I had to cut off the ending so as not to have some dj hack on my mix tape.

It's so quiet in here - please, say something!

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