17 Nov

Same Trailer, Different Park

mountain trailer

Tonight, I was planning to post an update on some recently completed projects but as I was gathering my thoughts I came across a post I published just over a year ago (you can find that original post here).

Sadly, it doesn’t seem that I’ve gotten very far in the last 365 days. I’m still trying to figure out where I want this blog-thing to go. I really want to spend more time writing but my days are consumed with projects. I’ve slowed down considerably on commissioned pieces but have 17 dressers, 35 end tables, 8 dining room sets and so much more to knock out before packing the house up to get it on the market. The alternative is to liquidate my treasures or lug them to Colorado.

In some ways things are much different today than they were last November. For starters, the move is right around the corner. For 17 years I’ve said “some day I’ll live here” every time I hiked through the Garden of the Gods. Lately, all I’ve found myself saying is “Crap! I need to get that finished/started before we move”. This will be the first Christmas in a long time that I’m not somewhere in the mountains out West. It’ll be the last one we spend as a family under the same roof.

It’s crazy when I stop to think about it. Technically, we’ll be empty-nesters before I’m even 40 years old. About a month ago we started seeing a Christian counselor. Dave and I have been having issues and it was time to get some professional help. Although I always knew we’d find ourselves at this crossroad, I couldn’t have imagined how up in the air everything would be once we arrived.

Brian (the counselor) had Tyler put together a 6-month plan to prepare for his transition out of the house into the real world. He asked me to do the same. The problem is that my plan is completely dependent upon whatever happens with Dave and his job, Dave and our marriage, Tyler and his graduation, Tyler and his enlistment – I don’t have the time nor energy to come up with 12 different short-term what if scenarios. I’d also rather not focus on the precarious situation I’ve found myself in.

Against all of my mother’s wisdom I find myself at the mercy of a man. I’m sure she’s thrilled to know that I don’t have a real job. I don’t make my own money. My car isn’t even in my name. Besides, I’m not sure if I want to leave the house for the real world.

And seriously, I know that even if I had a plan it wouldn’t work out the way I envisioned anyway so I see no point forcing decisions for productivity’s sake. I’ve played that game before and where did it get me? I know I wouldn’t be any less frustrated than I’m tempted to be now. I would be no less busy and I doubt I’d be any more content with what the future held. So, I think I’ll forgo the planning process a bit longer.

I trust that when I look back six months from now I’ll find things worked themselves out. Maybe, I’ll even manage to get a few project updates posted too.